the one I want

I've been starring at the sky tonight

marvelling and passing time,

wondering what to do with daylight until I can make you mine!

You are the one I want, you are the one I want.

I've been thinking of changing my mind,

it never stays the same for long but of all the things I know for sure ,

you're the only certain one.

You are the one I want, you are the one I want.

I've been counting up all my wrongs,

one 'sorry' for each star,

I'd apologise my way to you, if the heavens stretched that far,

cus you are the one I want,

yes, you are the one I want.

I won't find what I am looking for,

If It we're only about keeping score

cus I know now you are so much more ,that arithmetic,

cus if I add and I subtract,

If I give it all,try to take some back,

I've forgotten the freedom that comes from the fact that you are the stars,

so you are the one I want.

When the years are showing on my face,

and my strongest days are gone,

when my heart and flesh depart this place, from a life that sang your song,

You'll still be the one I want,

You'll still be the one I want.

You'll still be the one I want!

(My mother was right, my problem is my Romanticism of life) :-( can't help it I'm an artist :-(

Hiya, Well as some of you guessed Ive been going through a bit with my ex the last few days. My mates last night gave me a pep talk in the form of an eight hour philosophical discussion, a bottle of scotch, arm wrestling, sparring and bike riding lessons so although I'm tired now I am a lot happier than I was when I went to see them. Oh and I have sore arms and bruised knuckles compliments of trying to equal two men! lol........ Only one thing is missing besides my not existent love life and that's eye candy, so for my lady friends (and me) Feast Your Eyes! These are some of my recent faves lol

Life and all it's potholes

When was it while we were kids, that we ever heard someone of maturity tell us " Life is hard and you will face a multitude of challenges, however what matters is all about whats in your heart"? "It's all about dusting yourself off with dignity and stepping into the unknown with courage and faith in yourself"

I suppose the closest I received was from my father who's analogy I still think about and retail regularly. It goes something like this," Life is like a road......a road full of potholes. As you set out on the road you fall in a pothole. You pick yourself up, climb out of the hole and carry on. You go along smoothly for a short time and fall in another pothole. Again you drag yourself out and carry on. About a third of the way down the road you begin to recognise that it's a pothole ahead but can't help but fall in, however, again you pick yourself up and head on. As you go along , almost at the end of the road you begin to not only recognise the potholes but you strategically dodge them and have a pothole -free trip to the end"

Now I was never a problematic child, an outstanding student of ballet and scholastic pursuits until I lost my career at a young age. True to the story of my fathers teaching I dragged myself out of loss and into a new endeavour.
It was again due to outside factors, namely a lying, stealing, money grubbing man whore that I lost everything I earned from my career and everything I worked on for 5 years, including my first born son, that again I stepped from a road worth several mil into a pothole that was so deep it lasted 5 years.

While feeling dark and jaded with life, in that hole I met someone I thought brightened the dim crevasses of uncertainty that I felt. Big mistake! I had in fact attracted a like, darkened being whose pothole may last him the rest of his life.
It really doesn't make it easy on me now dealing with him for our sons sake when I have long since dragged myself away from the bitterness and resentment that he feels toward me every moment of his days. The statement "No good deed goes unpunished" really is apt of him and unfortunately a representation of a true dark being.

Though I am back on the smooth road of life for now, the people from the "pothole period" are a nemesis I will always have to endure. Changing them is not an option, trying to enlighten them not a path I would ever consider as I don't subscribe to bible bashing and the monotonous regularity of life's everyday problems really does go on and on regardless of their negativity.

At the age of 33 with my 'new' career growing by the day, in my heart I only hope that the next pothole will not be as deep or as wide. Perhaps by my own making I can dodge it to the extent that I only catch the outer edge or even though I'm not quite old enough, is it possible that I might only ever have a lot of dirt road ridges to ride!?
Only time will tell, but for now I'm glad I'm pothole free. On that note, what has become a favorite saying, everyone should remind themselves of when times are tough "If you want to be a true success then don't dwell on present defeat"

That brings up a decision I have put off for many years, (15 in fact) that I wont any longer.
While seeing the dancing potential in my son over the last few months and nights of him begging me to to put on my point shoes and dance with him I know I have to make the decision to again go under the knife.

It's not an easy decision, as I have already endured lengthy surgeries and rehab in the past. It's a complicated procedure that could see me loosing much of my balance or worse, however not being able to truly move the way I did now has purpose in my life, for my sons benefit.
Perhaps this is the next pothole, I wish my father had also told me that it is only the potholes that test our strength and courage.

I will leave you will some wisdom that I hope I find fitting during future events.

"True humility means giving joy to others"

"When there is hope in the heart, a smile can be found on the face"

and,

"A leap of faith will definitely have a smooth and safe landing."


Morgana XXX

'The next few minutes are in the lap of gods and the hands of the beatles'

It's amazing how a society can change in 40 years. I am constantly reminded of it since I would blissfully have been a child of the sixties, when the 'Beatles' were writing lyrics like "imagine all the people living in peace" and the vocal repetition of "give peace a chance" which became a political activist chant to many in public and at home. When 'Air Supply' and 'The bee gees' pumped out hit after hit of love songs that meant something........A society who viewed marriage as a sacred thing on the right. .......and on the left the hippy children who acted as part of a drug crazed revolution BUT with responsibility and care to others.

I would happily have marched with flowers in my hair, breezy chiffon flowing as I danced with other passionate souls in protest and in the fields and my partner in love by my side as most did.


Today, 'Nickle Back' perpetrate in their lyrics having all the material possessions of rock stardom, video hits would not be viewed by mass 20 somethings' without 85% of it's graphic, gratuitous content and media would have no fuel without prima Donna's cavorting with each other as 'Madonna' and 'Britteny' did on stage in "that Pash", or if 'Paris Hilton' do it yourself porn was not OH SO ACCIDENTLY leaked. And lets not forget the scandals, celebrity love triangle and the big business of media corporations who daily feed us something we view as helpful THE NEWS!


We have a different war on our hands and it's much more complicated than the one the 'Beatles' retailed.
We are living a war of social propaganda, misguided beliefs, youngsters who feel depressed and hopeless, and a primary lack of moral structure............... and I haven't even started about climate change, environmental and economic collapse, unfair financial distribution among third
world countries, child mortality rates among infants in worldwide orphanages and lower socio-economic communities, WSPA's battle to free animals from illegal trade, mammoth global De-forestation, the extinction of billions of species as a result or the fight by many human rights's organisations for the justice and free liberty of all who are shackled, shamed, mutilated or maimed .

Honestly, the list is endless.

I am reminded of an incident in a supermarket complex recently when a young man stopped me to talk about what his organisation were doing for human rights etc , and when I shared my interest, appreciation and understanding I was then persuaded quite abhorrently to sign over my bank details in order to donate on a regular basis to this charity.
Now if I were uneducated in the politics of such things I would have fallen for the gorgeous big blue eyes who felt so much passion to do something to improve the world. And at the same time my explanation of 'activism is better done through a voice' would have met with a rhetorical cynicism......yet I saw myself in those eyes only a few years ago.

Knowledge is power and I am convinced that if we wield it well and appropriately, some things can be changed. For now attitudes need to change. The attitude of the generation that will inherit the earth is seriously jaded and it is perhaps the biggest battle front for now. It has occurred to me for some time that the gap between people who wish to do harm and those who wish good is widening...........past history can no longer be a predicting factor, it's now completely in our hands to create our own future. We have the brains, we have the means but do we have the desire before it's beyond repair?

It would be unfair of me to not leave you with some reference lyrics which inspire after this post so, in a meditative state I refer you on to AC DC's 'Back in black' and Iron Maiden's 'Number of the beast'

My sarcasm made this post, didn't it!

A Eulogy, 10 Yrs On.

I wrote this when I was 16 for a school assignment and read it at my sisters funeral when I was 23.


(("When I was a child I always felt left out of my sisters life.
I must admit however that she was nine years my senior, but to me while I was growing up the years made little difference as I believed I was her equal.
I became my sister's worst nightmare, like so many others.

Joannes' bedroom was her fortress and haven. Being only little the ramifications sailed over my head. By simply entering her sacred room, made more authentic by the burning of incense, I literally risked life and limb.
Many a battle were fought within it's walls, the time when I was just finding out about lipstick or searching for remnant lollies, the wonderful discovery of pen and paper.......How was I to know the paper were her best books!

Jo's friends became yet another curiosity to me, endless hours of entertainment, what a pain I must have been hanging off them wanting to play the games they played and never being totally convinced when they said I was too young to play them.
I was kicked out of that"place" so often only a football would have had more use!!!

BOYFRIENDS! Another magical word! When they did start entering our lives , I would spend hours devising ways to get in the way.

Always, without fail, taking up centre position while watching TV or telling them with no decorum that they had smelly feet. Some retorted with comments like ' go and play on the freeway' !

Our relationship was getting off to a bad start but she stood by me just the same, protecting me from bus bullies or other dangerous encounters.
Meal times became another anger venting session and I just happened to be the ventee. I can remember her always telling me that any pig would be envious of my eating habits.......poor mum, always in the middle, but she did have the answers. Dinners were eaten separately!

Mearly opening a car door became an invitation to world war three! An imaginary line was drawn through the back seat and woe-betide anyone who crossed the demilitarized zone.

With all my sisters faults, she was I can say truthfully kind hearted, particularly to the four legged variety of animal. She had in her care (or more precisely mums care) many of them, none of which I was allowed to touch. Mice, frogs, a rooster which was supposed to be a hen, guinea pigs, fish, axolotls, pet rats, several assorted cats (most of them pregnant) a wild duck which swam in our bath and was most put out by the fact that I had to use it too and one particular turtle, a penny one at that, which our parents drove about 80 kms to release again to the wild.

THEN, one magical day something happened which changed our lives forever.
I grew up and became accepted!

I was suddenly allowed to tag along, touch her pets and sit in her room with her......The hours of arguing having turned into hours of discussion and laughter.
Later after having had her own children she saw that she could have been a little more tolerant of me and my antics and you will be happy to hear that I got from my niece and nephews as good as I gave to Jo.))


Me xxx

A Difficult B'Day

As 'Stairway To Heaven'(Led zep) winds down in the background I remember how emotional I was the day my sister died, inside at least because I had to hold it together to arrange her funeral and stand in front of my entire family to give her the happy sendoff she deserved.

My darling sister whenever things got bad for me said " Don't worry I'll always be older than you if that's any consolation"

That was true .......until Sunday rolls around anyway!

And to be honest I don't know whether to laugh or cry at the fact that I have outlived her.
I might just go and play the whole zeppelin album that she brought me and reminisce for the moment.

I'm sure Sunday will be testament to strong emotions , whatever they may be..

Morgana XXX

Real Friendship

I begin to wonder about the real strength of spirit when I see what I experienced tonight.

My story begins 8 yrs ago with two woman who met through a mutual friend and after several years and only a misunderstanding (third hand at that) parted company and rekindled their bond 4 years later.

It truly felt like not a day had gone since we last spoke, yet deep turmoil has struck both our lives since our parting.

I believe we are in for a wonderful weekend! I have missed her sooooo much and gee, haven't we both grown!
I love you Pammy! Still.

Me xxx